My dark pit of darkness

For someone who's supposed to be a writer...

Things are worse than I want to say. I'm out of control and I seem determined to ruin every precious opportunity that comes my way. I keep telling myself what I need to do and not doing it. I don't want to tell anyone about it because I don't want to be seen like this, and because it's just so boring.

I want there to be someone outside of my family who I can rely on to help me stay focused and keep moving forward, but that's a fantasy. I want to cease this idiotic cycle of procrastination and avoidance before it really blows up in my face, but none of the signs I'm seeing point in that direction. I don't want to waste this life. So much good has gone into it, and so much can be done with it.

There's nothing left to say. I will or I won't.